66. Ladies if you are 7 months or more pregnant, you should not be in the gym. workout at home, they have fitness videos on netflix.. i dont want to have to practice my first aid skills on you and honestly, your belly kind of creeps me out.
Friday, March 30, 2012
rules and tips for the gym - 66 (pregnant)
66. Ladies if you are 7 months or more pregnant, you should not be in the gym. workout at home, they have fitness videos on netflix.. i dont want to have to practice my first aid skills on you and honestly, your belly kind of creeps me out.
rules and tips for the gym - 65 (eyecontact)
65. guys, just because a girl in gym smiles at you or makes eye contact that is not an invitation to come over and start talking.
rules and tips for the gym - 64 (skinny)
64. Sad i even have to post this.. guys, if you are walking around all puffed up in gym thinking you are billy bad ass and then shower and change into a pair of skinny jeans...well #1 you need to do more legs and #2 you are gay
rules and tips for the gym - 63 (penis)
63. Guys, i know you love your penis just like i like mine. But it is common decency to not walk around the locker room with it hanging out. Put a towel around your waist. Also when changing, face the lockers. Facing the other way to show off your junk means you are gay.
rules and tips for the gym - 62 (maverick)
62. High school guys.. why should you join the military and lift weights? Easy... because women like men in uniform, they like muscles, they like short hair, and they dig scars. So if you look like Bieber you are SOL.
rules and tips for the gym - 61 (frank and beans)
61. Alright, enough with the yoga in the free weight area. The bodybuilders dont go into your yoga class and start flexing and posing. And guys, we dont want to see your frank and beans when you put your foot behind your head. That might be acceptable in your bedroom but not in the gym
rules and tips for the gym - 60 (yoga attire)
60. Ladies - unless you have a body like this, then you should not be dressed like this in your yoga class.
rules and tips for the gym - 59 (17yrold)
59. Mom / Dad - what do you think will happen when you let your 17year old high school daughter go the gym looking like this? Did you think men will not look?
rules and tips for the gym - 58 (abs)
58. Guys, congratulations..you have good abs.. now dont be a tool and do the old "pull up my shirt to wipe my mouth but im really trying to be sneaky and show my abs because im still insecure and need attention" gimmick.
rules and tips for the gym - 57 (fat)
57. Guys - if you are fat, you are not fooling anyone by rolling your sleeves up really high or by wearing a cut off t-shirt. The women can still see you are fat.
rules and tips for the gym - 56 (jump rope)
56. Really?? You are jumping rope in the gym?? You drove all the way to the gym with all these weights and high tech machines and 12 cardio classes and you decide to jump rope?
rules and tips for the gym - 55 (retarded)
55. in case you didnt get the word..wearing these still makes you retarded
rules and tips for the gym - 54 (body language)
54. Guys - pick up on this universally recognized body language of a woman.. the hat pulled low, headphones.. that means she is not interested in listening to your weak pickup lines, and please dont use "what are you listening to?"
rules and tips for the gym - 53 (guy butt)
53. Guys - under no circumstances should you look at your ass in the mirror in the gym. you just outed yourself.. if you did and are not gay and realized your mistake then quickly act as if there is something stuck to your pants and brush your hand across your butt 5-6 times.
Thursday, March 29, 2012
rules and tips for the gym - 52 (bieberhat)
52. Guys - if your hair looks like this, then everyone else thinks you are a douchebag. put on a hat in the gym and i dont mean wearing it sideways. If you will not do that then at least dont flip your head around like girls do to get the hair out of your eyes.
rules and tips for the gym - 51 (basketball)
51. If your fitness center has a basketball court included, it is disrespectful to walk thru workout area bouncing your basketball... you dont see us coming into basketball court with our weights and doing lunges across the court while you are playing.
rules and tips for the gym - 45-50
50. If you are drinking a Poweraid type drink before / during or after your workout you are just drinking high fructose corn syrup, which along with Trans fats is about the work thing to put in your body. exactly the same as drinking a Pepsi..you wouldnt drink a pepsi during your workout now would you.
49. If you see a guy in the gym that looks like this, assume he doesnt want you to work in on his sets, he doesnt want to spot you, doesnt want to talk about the "big game" with you, and has 10 more sets left. In general leave him alone, hes in the zone..you dont see us interupting you while you are stuffing your fat face in some restaurant now do you.
48. if you spend most of the time with your "trainer" talking you are ripping yourself off, you are paying him $75 an hour for training.. want to talk about your day, tell it to your shrink.
47. guys/gals - that constant smooching you are doing in gym..it makes you look insecure..that you have to try to mark your territory..like a dog pissing on every tree in their own yard.
46. if you have a "handicap" parking tag/plate and you park in the spot...then get out, walk briskly into gym and get on the stairmaster then you are not handicapped and should park elsewhere and let someone with a legit handicap...your mental problems dont qualify.
45. Ladies, that long conversation you are having with your husband while in the gym can wait 45 minutes till you get home..hell, you are going to see each other the rest of evening. you dont need to discuss the really important things that happened to you at your work while your husband is trying hit the weights. You just ruined his workout along with yours
49. If you see a guy in the gym that looks like this, assume he doesnt want you to work in on his sets, he doesnt want to spot you, doesnt want to talk about the "big game" with you, and has 10 more sets left. In general leave him alone, hes in the zone..you dont see us interupting you while you are stuffing your fat face in some restaurant now do you.
48. if you spend most of the time with your "trainer" talking you are ripping yourself off, you are paying him $75 an hour for training.. want to talk about your day, tell it to your shrink.
47. guys/gals - that constant smooching you are doing in gym..it makes you look insecure..that you have to try to mark your territory..like a dog pissing on every tree in their own yard.
46. if you have a "handicap" parking tag/plate and you park in the spot...then get out, walk briskly into gym and get on the stairmaster then you are not handicapped and should park elsewhere and let someone with a legit handicap...your mental problems dont qualify.
45. Ladies, that long conversation you are having with your husband while in the gym can wait 45 minutes till you get home..hell, you are going to see each other the rest of evening. you dont need to discuss the really important things that happened to you at your work while your husband is trying hit the weights. You just ruined his workout along with yours
rules and tips for the gym - (37-44)
44. If you are wearing an Army/USMC/Air Force/Navy T-shirt to score some cool points and have not served, those of us that have think you are a jerk off. The only exception is if you are a hot woman and the shirt belongs to your veteran current / ex boyfriend. Large boobs is bonus.
43. guys, under absolutely no circumstances should you be freeballing in just some shorts.. no one wants to see your boys while you are working out
42. when you judge that huge steriod freak , be advised he is also judging you for being a lazy excuse giving fatbody
41. for newbies - dont buy anything at the gym, its always cheaper elsewhere.. supplements / workout gear
40. if your trainer does not do the same silly exercises he has you do when hes doing his own workout you should fire him
39. if you are doing something no one else is doing, its not because you have discovered a secret exercise. it pretty much means you are an idiot...and if your trainer told you to do it..that makes both of you idiots.
38. for newbies at gym. always wash hands after workout and dont touch your face during the workout.. you know how many guys i seeing not washing hands after a pooh in locker room
37. if you waited more than 30seconds for parking spot instead of walking a bit more, you should reflect on what your doing there
43. guys, under absolutely no circumstances should you be freeballing in just some shorts.. no one wants to see your boys while you are working out
42. when you judge that huge steriod freak , be advised he is also judging you for being a lazy excuse giving fatbody
41. for newbies - dont buy anything at the gym, its always cheaper elsewhere.. supplements / workout gear
40. if your trainer does not do the same silly exercises he has you do when hes doing his own workout you should fire him
39. if you are doing something no one else is doing, its not because you have discovered a secret exercise. it pretty much means you are an idiot...and if your trainer told you to do it..that makes both of you idiots.
38. for newbies at gym. always wash hands after workout and dont touch your face during the workout.. you know how many guys i seeing not washing hands after a pooh in locker room
37. if you waited more than 30seconds for parking spot instead of walking a bit more, you should reflect on what your doing there
rules and tips for the gym - (26-35)
35. for newbies.. if you walk away from equipment that means others can use it. have multiple sets? then you need to stay put. there is no coming back 10min later claiming you are still using it
34. for newbies... if you want to look like a tool, drink from a one gallon jug of water.
33. if you received a brand new weight belt for christmas..splash some water on it to stain it... you stand out too much with clean one
32. if grandma bought you matching top and bottom workout cloths for christmas.. change one piece after you leave the house. dont show up the gym like that
31. an ipad/ tablet does not belong in workout area. only exception is if you are watching movies while doing cardio
30. ladies- the leg abducter machine (leg spreader)...all guys will look at your crotch, either deal with it or drape a towel across lap
29. guys, swing your arms naturally when you walk around - no I.L.S (imaginary Lat Syndrome) - you look stupid and the rest of us are laughing at you behind your back and most importantly, you are not impressing the girls.
28. just because you wear an UnderArmor shirt doesnt mean you are in shape.if you have rolls or man boobs put on oversize t-shirt instead
27. if someone slashes your tires or keys your car that means you did not put your weights away
26. guys.. using 3-4 plates, putting half away, and leaving the rest is not "putting weights away".. the next user might be a female. dont be a douche bag..put them all away. its not her job to rack your weights
34. for newbies... if you want to look like a tool, drink from a one gallon jug of water.
33. if you received a brand new weight belt for christmas..splash some water on it to stain it... you stand out too much with clean one
32. if grandma bought you matching top and bottom workout cloths for christmas.. change one piece after you leave the house. dont show up the gym like that
30. ladies- the leg abducter machine (leg spreader)...all guys will look at your crotch, either deal with it or drape a towel across lap
29. guys, swing your arms naturally when you walk around - no I.L.S (imaginary Lat Syndrome) - you look stupid and the rest of us are laughing at you behind your back and most importantly, you are not impressing the girls.
28. just because you wear an UnderArmor shirt doesnt mean you are in shape.if you have rolls or man boobs put on oversize t-shirt instead
27. if someone slashes your tires or keys your car that means you did not put your weights away
rules and tips for the gym - 21-25
25. ladies- sweating is good. but seeing your sweaty thong outline in your gray cloth spandex is not sexy, nor is camel toe
24. ladies - if more boob is showing than is covered, you are not dressed appropriately. this isnt the beach
23 guys, if you ask someone to spot you, and he says no..that means you have too much weight on there and he doesnt want to lift it off you and/or you stink / have bad breath
22. guys if you are looking for a date, you have to go where the girls are..aerobics/cardio/machines... they are not in the free weights
21. for the new fatbodies: if you "workout" and then go get fast food, you just waisted your time
24. ladies - if more boob is showing than is covered, you are not dressed appropriately. this isnt the beach
23 guys, if you ask someone to spot you, and he says no..that means you have too much weight on there and he doesnt want to lift it off you and/or you stink / have bad breath
21. for the new fatbodies: if you "workout" and then go get fast food, you just waisted your time
rules and tips for the gym #16-20
20.ladies, same thing. stop looking at your butt in mirror. its no different than it was 3min ago when you last checked it
19. guys.. stop looking at yourself in mirror while you walk around.. you look like a tool and besides you arent as big as you think
18. for new gym people.. the mirror is not to be used for popping zits
17. dont exercise right in front of dumbbell rack..other people have to walk where you are standing.. take 3-4 steps back
16. that preworkout energy drink you are carrying around is supposed to be consumed 30min BEFORE workout stupid. if you just sip on it during workout, you will be all jacked AFTER you leave and get home.
19. guys.. stop looking at yourself in mirror while you walk around.. you look like a tool and besides you arent as big as you think
18. for new gym people.. the mirror is not to be used for popping zits
16. that preworkout energy drink you are carrying around is supposed to be consumed 30min BEFORE workout stupid. if you just sip on it during workout, you will be all jacked AFTER you leave and get home.
Rules and tips for the gym #11-15
15. if you are carrying around a starbucks cup in gym.. just go home, you arent really working out anyway
14. for new fatbodies: dont skip leg workouts, always do full range of motion. you get instant respect if you do squats or heavy leg press. Ladies, as you can see doing full range of motion can be applicable in other areas.
13. the person returning dumbbells to the rack has the right of way over the person just taking dumbbells off the rack
12. for new fatbodies: if person has headphones on,that usually means they are not interested in what you have to say,so mind your business
11. the only time you should be on phone at gym is to call your mom to come pick you up. otherwise you are a "poser"
14. for new fatbodies: dont skip leg workouts, always do full range of motion. you get instant respect if you do squats or heavy leg press. Ladies, as you can see doing full range of motion can be applicable in other areas.
13. the person returning dumbbells to the rack has the right of way over the person just taking dumbbells off the rack
12. for new fatbodies: if person has headphones on,that usually means they are not interested in what you have to say,so mind your business
11. the only time you should be on phone at gym is to call your mom to come pick you up. otherwise you are a "poser"
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