#179 - i think you got pranked

179. here is the discussion in the conference room by two useless 24hour Fitness personal trainers:

Gus: what kind of silly fake ass exercise can i think of for my gullible client to do to make them think they are getting their moneys worth?

Todd: you can try the ol hold the kettlebell straight up in the air while getting up from your side trick.

Gus: thats always a classic, try having them do the standing-one-leg-dumbell-row. thats always a good one to use on girls with big tits..get some good cleavage shots that way.

Todd: i love those too. if ever these dumb asses realized that we just make this stuff up and Jay Cutler and Ronnie Coleman never do stuff like that we would be in trouble.

#178 The Barbell Rack

#178.. hey stupid.. you see what this is? this is a barbell rack. it is a device that holds fixed weight barbells. it is not a location for you to do your workout. You are supposed to get the barbell you need then move-the-fuck-out-of-the-way so others can get to the rack. Dont be a jerkoff and stand right there and do your sets of curls while staring at the mirror 30feet away watching yourself.

#177 crotch squat

#177. another gimmick exercise.. the ol lay on the floor and put your feet on the smith machine bar to do leg presses.. and how is this different than doing normal squats? remember when you were a kid and your parents took you to the circus and there was a bear that would roll around a ball on his feet? thats what you remind me of doing this silly exercise when you gingerly roll the bar across your feet to unlock the hooks. thanks for showing off your crotch to the whole free weight area too by the way.

#176 - drinking fountain

176. if you are a germ freak like me.. a helpful tip is to use the drinking fountain as far away as possible from the kids club/nursery .. because you know those little fuckers put their mouth and tongue all over the one that was closest.

#175 - How F'd up are you?

175. damn, you must be seriously fucked up.. lady, if you look like this you need get off the stairmaster,  cancel your gym membership and go to the nearest all you can eat pizza joint and sign up for a one year membership there.

#174 - there is no stupid question

174. remember how your 3rd grade teacher said there is no such thing as a stupid question? she was wrong, there is and you just asked it. You asked "are you using that?" and pointed to a bench.. you pointed to the bench i am sitting on, with sweat dripping out from under my hoodie, with a pair of dumbbells on either side of the bench, with my gym bag underneath the bench, and my towel and ozarka bottle sitting on one end. I'll give you two guesses but you are only going to need one.. That was a stupid question.

#173 - chinese tatoo

173.. wow, that is an awesome tatoo you have all on your arms and triceps...all those chinese characters.. heres the problem jackass...unless you are working out in Gold's Gym Bejing , no one here in the United States CAN READ THOSE.. how do you write "FAIL" in chinese?

#172 barefoot

172. for all you yoga lovers since i can see you love walking around barefoot after your class..these are the things i have seen on the gym floor just this week:

1. the obvious sweat drippings from 100people
2. few drops of blood from where some loser got a bloody nose
3. a used bandaid
4. fingernail clippings..could have been a toenail clipping of course
5. dust bunnies the size of a dime
6. dried mud from guys working out in their work boots

and now bits of these items are stuck to the bottom of your feet....nice

#171 not fitting in

#171 - to the two new guys at the gym today.. there is no way you are going to fit in with this 24hour fitness gym crowd and should consider going to another gym because of the following reasons:

1. you actually appear to want to be here
2. you are doing heavy legs today
3. you are not talking about all the games you watched this weekend
4. you have short hair
5. your girlfriend is working legs as hard has you
6. you didnt check your phone /email once the entire workout
7. you actually walked to the drinking fountain instead of bringing a one gallon jug
8. you racked all of your weights

definitely the exception

#170 - another gimmick exercise

170. please, if you are going to do the gimmick exercise called the weighted pullup, make sure you make a big show of adding the weights to the belt. would look even more impressive if you could get a buddy of yours to assist you in loading up the weights.. take your time though, then of course you have to climb onto a bench or step stool. Pause on top to make sure the rest of the people in the immediate area see you. then proceed to knock out those really important three partial reps. attaboy. by the way genius, you can do the same thing doing machine pulldowns.

#169 - lady, you have pooh on your back

169.  so no shit there i am at the urinal and i hear a guy go into a stall and commence to do some heavy grunting. he must have eaten a block of cheese yesterday because from the sound of it , it was not going well. i was about to reach for my phone and ask him if he needed a medic. so im washing my hands and of course this guy just walks right on out of there briskly like hes late without so much as a rinse job..i happen to be right behind him and as soon as he leaves the gym his wife is outside and he gives here a big hug and some slaps on the back.. good job you dirty POS...your wife now has pooh residue all on her back. note: if you see someone across the gym talking to a busty babe and casually pointing at you..dont worry, thats just me telling my wife that you dont wash your hands after you shit.

#168 - which one will it be today?

168. lets see..which excuse will you use today to not workout and improve yourself?

- its too hot outside
- its too nice outside
- its raining
- its snowing
- its too cold
- the games on
- want to play with new iphone
- i woke up to late
- i drank too much last night
- i didnt get enough sleep
- its leg day

so what was your excuse again?

#167 - wow, you got an iphone5 ?

167. Nice..you camped out and got an iphone 5 and are showing it off in the gym. guess what fat boy..thats why you are fat..you are playing with an iphone instead of jacking steel.

166. Didnt get the reaction you expected?

166. Pretty funny... saw you walking around free weight area with tough guy look on your face then leave and get into your lamborghini. You know what the first thing my wife said when she saw you climb into that? "small penis" ...

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#165 Handstands

165. a sure fire way to get everyone in the gym to think you are a jackass is to be that one guy that does handstand pushups.

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#164 - Thriller

164. ah, mr. billy bad ass in the gym... it doesnt work that you act like a tough guy in the gym and then roll out of the parking lot with your windows down blasting Michael Jacksons "Thriller" . Fail

#163 - You have to make a choice

163. you have to make a choice about what you want to do with your life and how you want to look. its never too late, dont be that guy filled with regret late in life wondering what could have been.

"Pain is temporary. It may last for a minute, or an hour, or a day. Or even a year, but eventually it will subside and something else will take its place. If i quit however, it will last forever."

#162 - the pro bodybuilder denial

162. funny thing about pro bodybuilders, they use steriods, in some cases, massive amounts..its plainly obvious when you compare a top tier pro to a top tier "natural" bodybuilder... but heres the catch 22, you never hear them talk about them, its always the 8 meals a day of chicken breast, rice , and sweet potatoes. no mention in their dvd's, their youtube videos, etc. , but their supplements are tactically shown for product placement.. we know they use steriods, they know we know, but they still pretend its the supplements that they are endorsing that is the secret, they endorse them even though they know that we know its not the supplements. But we still buy the supplements. we know its not the supplements, but we eagerly snap them up hoping that this one is the secret sauce. the Pro knows that we know that its not the supplements but the endorsements continue and the vicious circle of denial starts all over when the next hot product hits the shelf. in reality, they are not selling supplements, they are selling the fantasy of being huge and besides, natural size bodybuilders dont sell alot of magazines.

#161 Tailgate

161. so no shit there i was... pulling out of my subdivision and some guy i recognize from the gym pulls out of a sidestreet right behind me.. its about a 15min drive to the gym and i notice after a while that this guy is all up my ass.. a considerable stretch of the drive is a two lane road. so tough guy is right up my ass the whole way, maybe in a hurry to knock out some arms or chest. so of course with speed limit of 45, i drive 45.1 the whole way, and make sure to stop when the light turns yellow.. get to the gym and tears thru parking lot, speed walks in and goes right to the free weight area, so rule out having to take a shit. and no kidding, he spends the first 17 minutes on his phone texting away.. yup, another jerkoff.

#160 - Let me guess, Flamingo Curls??

160. let me guess, your highly knowledgable "personal trainer" told you to do those.. what do you call them? Flamingo curls? the dumbbell curls while standing on one leg. does that even make sense to you? what does your foot have to do with your biceps? stupid is as stupid does

#159 Train the Trainer

#159. dont expect your personal trainer to actually be knowledgable just because he has a red T-shirt that says "personal trainer" on it. I have personally seen three 24hour Fitness "trainers" do their own workout and they were being coached by their boyfriend/husband/buddy...who also did not know the correct way to perform exercises... just remember that when you want to pay someone $50 bucks an hour.

#158 - should you be pissed or sad?

#158. this one is really odd... there is a husband/wife in the gym and they look pretty close to this:

seen them in gym for years, now all of a sudden the wife is being trained by a 24hour fitness personal trainer..
1. for starters almost to that last man, trainers at 24hour fitness are morons.
2. But why in the blue hell would she pay money to be trained by someone who is in worse shape than she is
3. Why is your husband not training you? hes looking pretty jacked
4. One of you has issues.. either you dont like having him tell you what to do, he is somehow incapable of forming sentences, or you guys really dont like each other. something really weird about it
5. so i cant figure out if the husband should be pissed that wife has a trainer or sad that the trainer is not him

reminds me of an episode of Hogan Knows Best from years ago.. Linda Hogan hired a personal trainer..some steriod boy, had accent.. Im wondering..why would she hire a trainer.. shes married to Hulk Fucken Hogen..like a slap in the face.. guy ended up lipping off to Hulk, almost got his ass beat, and Hulk 86'd him from the house.

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#157 - Another One in the books?

#157 - Discussion in the locker room:

You - You finished your workout?
Me - Yup, leg day. What are you working?
You - Probably do some arms or chest... you ok? youre moving slow
Me - You know its a good leg workout when you have to grip the handrail hard coming down the stairs and you have trouble walking in a straight line. You know what i mean?
You - No
Me - No shit. (me looking at your chicken legs as i say it)

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#156 - You almost had me

#156 - Lets see...going to the gym....

- hat turned backwards....check
- shades either perched on top of the hat or turned backwards around your neck...check
- Tapout / Affliction shirt ...check
- only taking smartphone and keys ...check
- shitty look on your face....check
- oh damn...you almost had me thinking you were a badass but you showed up using a broken knee scooter

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155. Fat Cop

155. Dont police departments have minimum fitness requirements? never fails, every gym has a fat cop that works out while you are there...shows up in their cruiser of course. What an embarrassment to yourself and your community..oh and dont blame the vest. take some pride in yourself

#154 - 50 shades of grey

154. i knew it was only a matter of time before this one got posted.. ladies... Reading 50 Shades of Grey while at the Gym is not appropriate. we all know what its about.. its as appropriate as a guy flipping thru a Penthouse magazine while on the stairmaster.

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Fifty Shades of Grey is a 2011 erotic novel by British author E.L. James. Set largely in Seattle, it is the first instalment in a trilogy that traces the deepening relationship between a college graduate, Anastasia Steele, and a young business magnate, Christian Grey. It is notable for its explicitly erotic scenes featuring elements of sexual practices involving bondage/discipline, dominance/submission, sadism/masochism (BDSM).

#153 - you are not obvious at all

153. lets see.. you are doing the ol suck in the gut technique when walking by the ladies in the gym... heres an idea.. how about actually losing that gut instead.

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#152 - Lord Stark

152. by the way my man, unless you are trying out for a role in Game of Thrones season 3 or a stunt double for Sawyer from Lost, the long hair is really gross.. the ladies just think you look greasy and dirty.

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#151 The Jumbo Ball

151. another newly discovered secret exercise... doing something with the jumbo exercise beachball... you know, i think i saw Arnold and Franco using one of those in those old time videos you see..yeah right... face it.. if you are using one of those beachballs in the gym, you are either gay or on your way to being gay. See you at Chick-Fil-A

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#150 - nice to see you again

150. By the way, when i act like its so good to see you again. what i really mean is that "im glad you are here while i am here because you always bring your busty hot wife with you and i can stare at her tits in between my sets."

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149. Steriod boy

149. you know, i dont really care if you take steriods or not.. but what pisses me off is that those of you that do cant be honest with yourselves about it and keep claiming you are natural. if you are man enough to take that shit, be man enough to be honest.

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148. study up



148. would it kill you to actually do a little reading on how to properly do the exercises in the gym?

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147. why is my music so loud?

147. why do i have my headphones playing so loud? well thats easy, its to drown out your voice while you chat it up with your buddy since discussing every play of the game from yesterday is so much more important than working out.

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#146 slimey workout mat

146. you know that workout mat that you use in the gym for stretching?? have you ever seen anyone actually clean that? theres all kinds of stuff growing on that and your sitting on it and touching it.. just saying

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