Friday, April 27, 2012

Rules and tips for the gym (no farts) -92

92. when you gotta you gotta...but if your gym has a floor mounted fan...there is to be no farting in front of the fan.








Thursday, April 26, 2012

Rules and Tips for the Gym - 91 (TV)

91. if you are hanging around the gym just to watch whatever is on T.V. you are wasting your time and other peoples time. thats why you are fat, why did you even bother coming


Wednesday, April 25, 2012

rules and tips for the gym -90 (excuses?)

90. see that?? thats how many excuses you have to not work legs.




Tuesday, April 24, 2012

rules and tips for the gym -89 (stupid exercises)

89 - you must have discovered the secret everyone is looking for..that secret exercise that will make all the difference. If no one else does it , there is probably a reason. whats really happening is you are screwing this exercise up just like all the others you tried, and probably are putting your body in a mechanically weak position and have a greater chance of hurting yourself

Monday, April 23, 2012

Rules and Tips for the gym - 88 (ass on bike)

88. ladies, if you are on the bike and all the treadmills and stairmasters behind you seem to be occupied but vacant elsewhere...yup, they are looking at your ass.







Saturday, April 21, 2012

Rules and Tips for the Gym - 87 (whistling)

87. ok you cheery fucker... the whistling in the gym has got to stop. save that for when you are washing your car.





Friday, April 20, 2012

Rules and Tips for the Gym - 86 (monkeybars)

86. local gym just installed this... so you drove all way to the gym thats full of free weights, machines, cardio equipment and classes and you end up paying someone to have you do this??? a fool and his money are soon parted

Thursday, April 19, 2012

Rules and Tips for the Gym -85 (dropping weights)



85. if for some reason you screw this up and your weights slide off bar because you didnt use collars.. dont make excuses, dont grab your shoulder and act like you are injured, just rack your weights, pick up your energy drink you didnt finish, your iphone you have resting on bench frame and walk out of gym. you lost all the cool points you thought you had.

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Rules and Tips for the Gym - 84 (recycle)

84- good job dude...you did your part to help the environment by bringing in a reusable water bottle instead of an ozarka bottle. Guess you didnt calculate what you did by sitting in your car with engine running, AC blasting, talking on phone for 20minutes in parking lot before coming into the gym.



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Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Rules and Tips for the gym - 83 (shorts/legs)

83. Ladies.. we are all in favor of you wearing short shorts in the gym..but please do a self assesment.. if your legs have all kinds of bruises, pimples, or ingrown hairs from that hack job you did shaving your legs last time...wear sweats or yoga pants instead.



Monday, April 16, 2012

Rules and Tips in the Gym - 82 (your buddies)

82. if you are wondering why you are not seeing results in the gym its because you are working out with your friends. The more people in your workout "group" the crappier your workout. it tends to be 90% talking, texting, calling and 10% lifting.

Saturday, April 14, 2012

Rules and Tips for the Gym - 81 (pant leg)

81  - another one i thought went away 15 years ago.. but if you want a quick way for every one in the gym to think of you as a douche bag then walk around with one pant leg rolled up.









Friday, April 13, 2012

Rules and tips for the gym - 80 (hand dryer)

80 - Standing under the high mounted "hand dryers" to dry your hair after a shower is ok, but doing an hour on the stairmaster, coming in all sweaty and THEN standing under it to dry you and your shirt and your drawers off because you dont have or forgot your shower gear is not cool.. You are just blowing your stink around the locker room.

Thursday, April 12, 2012

Rules and Tips for Gym - 79 (pull pants up)

79. I thought this went away 15years ago, but apparently you wiggers still think its cool to walk around in gym with your shorts pulled down a few inches to show your drawers..its not. Everyone just thinks youre a jackass.


Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Rules and Tips in the gym - 78 (just have to watch)

78. you know, sometimes you just see some crazy stuff and you have to watch, even though they have no clue what they are doing

(wait for it)


Rules and tips for the gym - 77 (reading)

77. I cant figure out why some of you ladies bring an arm full of magazines to the gym and carry it around with you from machine to machine or have it stacked up next to you on the bike. You are waisting your time for the following:

a. You arent working out hard enough as is
b. You end up doing a half ass set to get back to that important article
c. You end up sitting there for 5min caught up reading
d. if you are doing cardio you are doing it at half speed

put that shit down and commit 30minutes to improve your life..just "showing up" is what you are doing and that is not good enough. Thats why youre fat

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Rules and tips for the Gym - 76 (shirt)

76. you need to walk it like you talk it.. so if you are going to wear some type of motivational shirt in the gym to impress people. you need to live up to it instead of just chatting it up with your buddies.

Monday, April 9, 2012

Rules and Tips for the Gym - 75 (showoff)

75. Nobody likes a showoff.. so all you super flexible people..cool it...I...ah..never mind..ladies its ok.

Sunday, April 8, 2012

rules and tips for the gym - 74 (dont look)

74.. ladies, i see you, i see how you are watching what the other women are doing in the gym. wondering if thats some new revolutionary long lost secret excercise youve finally discovered and can now also do to magically firm up your butt... no, they just dont know what the fuck they are doing either.

Saturday, April 7, 2012

rules and tips for the gym - 73 (MMA)

73. Cool... you take some MMA classes... but the empty aerobic room is not the place to practice your grappling. its interesting but not appropriate for two sweaty grown men rolling around the floor together, this isnt the UFC or the Bravo channel.. the exception is if its two hot women dressed inappropriatly





Friday, April 6, 2012

Rules and tips for the gym - 72 (calf machine)

72. little tip guys, if you are using a seated calf machine that looks like this and plan on putting 4-5 45lb plates on it, do a 45, then a 2.5lb plate, then 45, then 2.5, etc. this is so its easy to get a grip on plates when you rerack your weights. you will not be the first guy to have plate slip and accidently squish your balls.






Thursday, April 5, 2012

rules and tips for the gym - 71 (girl spot)

71. a helpful tip for you fellas - if you are benching and going to try for a new max weight or going really heavy because you are trying to impress, do not have your little girlfriend (or prospective girlfriend) spot you. what will happen is you will not make it, she will not be strong enough to help you, the bar/weight will be resting on your chest, your face will be all red, she will be shrieking for help while you desperately attempt to roll the bar down your fat body and try to sit up. BTW, that laughing you hear from across the gym, that me.








Wednesday, April 4, 2012

rules and tips for the gym -70 (bench)

70. guys - if this is what your form looks like when doing bench press, it doesnt matter how much weight you have on there, even rookies think you are a candyass. Take half the weight off and start over.

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

rules and tips for the gym - 69 (shirt around waist)

69. ladies - the old tie your sweatshirt around your waist to try to cover your fat butt and hope nobody notices trick is not working










Monday, April 2, 2012

rules and tips for the gym - 68 (fatboy situps)

68. Hey fatboy, you are waisting your time doing all those 100's of situps. havent you figured it out yet that doing ab work does nothing for you. maybe one more set you will see results.. you have to get the fat off of you first, you need to change what you are eating

Sunday, April 1, 2012

rules and tips for the gym #67 (flip flops)


67. needless to say, flip flops are not appropriate in the workout area, plus you probably have fugly toes. Flip side, if you are going barefoot in lockerroom / shower you are a brave brave person.. you know how funky that floor is.